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Monday, 26 October 2009

Saturday, 17 October 2009

  • Whenever I am looking out the window of my dorms lobby I see people come and go on the elevator. I know most of them, because at the beginning of the year I went to peoples' rooms and introduced myself to everyone. Some of the ones that know me better asked me why I was just staring out the window. Normally I would say that I was just thinking or just looking at the view. But one of the reasons I didn't tell them was because I had no one to talk to.

    As much as my voice doesn't project very well (I know this because I usually have to repeat things I say when talking in a group of people) I like to talk to people. The interaction is great but I think it's when I do my best discovering. I tell people things I already know, then I might think about a new way to look at it or thinking about what I just said. I know people who just have tons of information all ready to go in case they need to belt out a speech or something, but it always takes time for me to get the gears going.

    But I can't just talk to anybody. It's really helpful when I talk to thinkers. Yes, thinkers, ponderers or mind wanderers. People who think and discover like me are my favorite kind of people to talk to. I've met quite a few people online, and there are a lot of them who just want you to ask questions, so they will give short answers. I don't like playing that game, it makes me assume they don't want to talk to me or they really don't care about creating conversation.

    Conversation is when two people talk to each other and use each others information to create questions or add information. What I described in the paragraph above is surveying. I don't think people like being surveyed and I don't like surveying, so that makes talking stale short and none productive. That does me no good if I intend to build a good relationship with people. So be aware if you do talk to me, I expect for you to work your brain a little bit.

    -Mark
    P.S. Don't worry, you don't have to work your brain every time (or ever), I'd just happy if you did.


Monday, 05 October 2009

  • Dear Aunt Sharon

    One day I was about to go down the elevator (most likely on a trip to the music building). The doors opened and someone walked out. I gave them a friendly head nod even though they weren't looking and went inside. I walked in, pressed the ground floor, then smelled the elevator. I have a habit of smelling new rooms or area while examining them. The smell was familiar, oh so familiar. It was a strange smell that you think isn't pleasant to smell, but you continue to smell it anyways. It only took a second or two to figure out the smell. It was the smell of my aunts house. She had this smell to her that was a mix of the cigarettes she smoked and some other things only she would have around the house. It wasn't really a bad smell, it was just very distinct and unexpected.

    That's right. It's been more than half a year since you left us. I forget exactly what happened but she left in an accident when she suddenly stopped breathing while she was driving and collided with someone. I remember that night. When we heard about we went to the hospital to visit her. I was thinking to myself of course she will be alright, she is very strong. I was there with just my mom and my cousin (my aunt's son). We were there for a couple of hours and I got a call from my sister. I answered it and she was saying she would be on her way. After I hung up I went to my mom and she asked me "Did you tell her that Sharon passed away?"

    ....
    ............
    .............................

    Wait... What? I didn't even know she was already gone.... I thought she was still fighting, I thought she could make it, I though she would make it.... Why didn't I know it was already too late. I mean, I thought I could handle it if she was fighting when I was there then she lost. But I couldn't handle that she wasn't fighting. I couldn't handle that I was the only one who didn't know.... The rest of the evening was a blur. Many family members came to the hospital as well and the adults talk about how Sharon left us.

    But wait. Even while she did leave, she left us many things. She left a son who is very strong and intelligent. She left us gifts, she left us valuable information, jokes, and she left us with memories. I still have her eye glass cleaners she gave me when I first started off with glasses. And I still have her voice in my ear. Her face in my mind. Her optimism in my heart. She also taught me How much you can achieve in at least 50 years of life. At her funeral there were so many people I didn't know. So many connections she had with people I did know. So many places I didn't know she worked. She has done so much I can't even imagine. I already knew she was great, and at the end, all of it was emphasized.

    I'm back in the elevator, smelling this smell. Since no one else was on the elevator to look at me weird I smelled some more. Smelling as hard as I possibly could, to remember, for flash backs, for anything that would make me think about her. Because knowing these elevators, the smells don't repeat very often.

    -Mark
    P.S. Were you watching me? Were you reminding me?

Monday, 28 September 2009

  • My picture

    I like to stare out of my dorm floors main window during the day to see the view. It's not so bad to live all the way up on the 11th floor! When I look out the window I get some of the cities taller buildings. Looking lower I see some of the school's buildings and to the left I see residential buildings. There is also this tall building to the left that sticks out which I think is interesting. In fantasy terms, that would be the old abandoned dorm building or haunted mansion, and the residential area would be only trees, not a mix of buildings and trees.

    I can't believe how in love I am with the mountains in this view. It's like they are the picture frame keeping all of the trees from being washed off the map (ah a sea of trees, now I get what I'm saying). The mountains are a dark green color. It gives a complimentary contrast to the sky. They aren't even in a complicated pattern. There are only two ranges that over lap over the left side of the view. It makes me want to go out there and walk on those mountains haha, but of course it's father than I think it is. Oh yeah and I live close to the airport. So every once in a while I will hear airplanes washing out my silence. But sometimes I don't even notice them because I'm so used to it now.

    I also look out my window at night as well. When everyone is asleep, outside, or in their rooms I look out at the city that is all lit up.The picture I knew had changed a bit. Most importantly the sky has blended in with the mountains. It's sad, but still cool to look at if you are watching the sunset. The residential area disappears because of the lack of lighting. red while and yellow lights make up of the majority I see outside. The only thing I don't like about this view is that the city lights give the sky a redish black bland color. It makes me uneasy, like something bad will happen or is happening. It makes my stomach turn (or maybe that was just what I ate...).

    -Mark

Sunday, 20 September 2009

  • I feel as though I am slowly losing interest in extra activities. Video games aren't as appealing to me, and anime seems too time consuming for some reason. I think this practicing music mindset is finally hitting me. One of my friends in the music department felt bad that another person in our section was playing a lot more than he was. He felt lazy and not as good of a player. I tried to tell him that he should just focus on his pace rather than others, but I feel like he didn't take what I said to heart. It made me feel like what I said was wrong.

    We'll all find out what we need to do sooner than later.

assassinkirby

  • Visit assassinkirby's Xanga Site
    • Name: Mark
    • Country: United States
    • State: California
    • Metro: Union City
    • Birthday: 11/19/1990
    • Gender: Male
    • Member Since: 3/12/2005
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  • xNicolax
    Dear Mark, I'm so grateful for your random questions. They save some of my bad days.  Nicola
  • madcrazydesire
    dear mark, i think you're amazing love, madison
  • assassinkirby
    This is a "Dear Mark" section. Write whatever you want in here as if you were writing me a letter. Later on it'll be less formal?

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